end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
