He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
