dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Who did Billy Mays play for?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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