My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
