who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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