i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
