I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
