I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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