i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
