apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
