They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
