he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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