Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
