You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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