Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
