I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
