Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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