4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i out mim tonsoeep
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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