I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
