her vagine was all disorganized.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
