I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
