Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
