Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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