we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
