So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
