So drunk its hurt
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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