i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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