I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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