My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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