hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
