i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
