I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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