Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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