Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
