I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
