He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
