And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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