Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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