Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
