I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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