Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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