when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
