Plan B is the new Plan A
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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