every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
