Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
