This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
