I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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