Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
