I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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