You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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