If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
