He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
