he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
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A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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