My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
