We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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