you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
