If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
