She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
