Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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