we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
