we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
