i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
