Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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